Epilogue from Mom

Sitting at this computer writing this in my first person point of view seems strange. I'll admit, it has been a challenge figuring out what to say in the final post from our sweet babies. Then I decided to keep it short and sweet. I wanted to add my thoughts in an epilogue format. It is hard to imagine that today would mark my 12th week of pregnancy. I would be in the final home stretch of the nerve racking 1st trimester. Then it hits, my babies have been gone for 4 weeks now. I think one of the hardest things that I dealt with was finding out that I lost not one, but both of my babies. I went in expecting to lose one, but not both of them. After much thinking, I came to think my sweet twins must have been identical. That would make sense as to why both of them didn't survive. If something occurred with the egg initially, then when it split into 2 identical parts, it would have the same anomalies. This has helped me accept what has happened. I also found it difficult knowing that I carried my sweet babies for 2 weeks after their hearts stopped beating. It was hard for me to imagine that their hearts beat for just 2 short weeks then stopped.....However, that did make my decision to have the procedure easier. That Friday morning was a wreck for me. Waking up at 3:45am with killer cramps will drive any woman crazy. Nature would eventually take its course later in the morning. My procedure was successful, but I ended up with a high fever a couple of days later. I had to take antibiotics for 5 days to prevent infection.

 Going back to work really helped me deal with things. I thrive on routine and being back in my routine made things so much better. It also helps knowing that we had a great support system. My husband and I both have great coworkers that were there for us and did everything they could to help us out. We received lovely flower arrangements from coworkers. As a teacher, you should always be prepared for a substitute. I wasn't planning on being absent since I needed all my days for maternity leave. I had nothing for a sub. Thanks to my wonderful team for putting their heads together and getting stuff together for me for the two days I was out. It also helps when you have great friends to support you. We got so many cards, texts, and emails from others. We had an awesome friend from church hook us up with some food! That was a huge help!!! As a woman, it helped hearing from other women who have gone through this experience. Knowing that there are others out there who have had this happen and then went on to have healthy children is a great comfort. A friend who experienced this same misfortune just a couple of months earlier came to sit with my husband while I was in surgery. Her and her husband were a great comfort to him. We are so blessed to have a church family that is always there for us! It truly is a blessing to be loved by many. And last, but most certainly not least, we have great family! My parents were so supportive from afar. They even offered to make the 5 hour drive that night to be with me. My husband's parents live about 5 minutes away. They offered to let me stay with them all day Saturday while my husband was at work. I just couldn't be alone just yet. They fed me breakfast and lunch. My husband's dad went up to his work and brought him lunch so he wouldn't be alone. They also fed us both dinner that night and let us crash their TV to watch football. They let us stay with them Sunday, too. We had breakfast and lunch with them. Our lunch was filet steaks wrapped in bacon with baked potatoes. You can't do much better than that! It was a great comfort to have them that weekend. I was awful sick that Sunday with severe back pain and a high fever. I have an AMAZING husband that takes such great care of me! I know I am very lucky.

Here I am a week and a half later, and I'm doing much better. It doesn't bother me to talk about my situation. In fact, it helps get things off my chest. I'm proud that I was chosen to carry twins, even if it was for just a few short weeks. To know the joy of carrying life inside you is something that truly is indescribable. I will admit, I have been enjoying my pre-pregnancy self! Don't get me wrong, I would totally endure all the symptoms that pregnancy brings if I get the end result nine months later. However, if you don't get the end result, they symptoms are no fun at all. I look forward to when my husband and I can try again. The LORD blessed us once with children, HE will do it again if it's HIS will. We continue in prayer, not only for ourselves, but for those who are wanting children and have had difficulties along the way. There is great comfort in prayer and knowing that GOD will bless us again one day. We just keep reminding ourselves that it is in HIS time, not ours. HE may bless us right away like HE did last time, or HE may make us wait a while. I truly believe these sweet babies had a great purpose in our lives. I think they were brought to us to make our marriage stronger. We have always had a great marriage, but there have been times when we were lacking something that brings a husband and wife together. Ever since we found out we were pregnant, we have been closer than ever. Losing the babies has made us even closer. We have a whole new relationship that is closer than it has ever been. We are leaning on each other and leaning on GOD to get through this and move on. These sweet twins will live on forever in our hearts. We are excited to be parents one day. We both have such a strong desire to be parents. As a friend at church told me: "they are in Heaven now. You have a 100% success rate!" What a way to look at it. Prayer, friends, family, and each other will get us through this. There are positives in every negative thing that happens. I pride myself on being able to find those positives and dwell on them. There is a great plan bigger and better than I could ever design for myself!

Thanks for reading,

Mommy of Jelly Bean #1 and #2

The Final Chapter

Hello again! Jelly Bean #1 and Jelly Bean #2 reporting back for the final time. We didn't expect our journey to end so soon; alas, we were not meant to stay. When mommy went in for her 10 week checkup, the doctor was unable to find our tiny heartbeats. We appeared to stop growing at 8 weeks. Naturally, mommy and daddy were heartbroken. It came as quite a shock to them that just four weeks earlier they heard our tiny heartbeats. We didn't intend to leave them. God has other plans for us. Instead of mommy and daddy looking out for us, we now get to look out for mommy and daddy in our new home. We know that one day mommy and daddy will hold our little brother or sister in their arms. We hate to cause mommy and daddy such sadness, but they are strong. Each day will get better. We know we had a specific purpose in their lives. We must have fulfilled it! We are sorry this is the end of our journey. Our journey will forever be recorded for mommy and daddy to always look back on and remember our short, but wonderful, time together.

Jelly Bean #1 and Jelly Bean #2 signing off for the last time!

Easing up on Mom?

We are back for our weekly installment of what's going on with us little jelly beans (although we are bigger than jelly beans by now) and mommy. We have finished week 9 and are headed into week 10. Mommy had another doctor appointment this Thursday. She's nervous, AGAIN! Mommy stays nervous, we think. She always stresses out each time another doctor's appointment approaches. Last time we were able to ease her mind by letting her hear not one, but two, heartbeats! You would think after that she would be a little calmer, but no. Mommy says she will probably always find something to worry about. She's especially concerned since the past few days we have stopped making her so sick. It has been about 4 days since we woke her up and made her rush to the bathroom. She expected another couple of weeks of sickness. People keep telling her to stop reading so much on the Internet because everyone is different. However, until Thursday afternoon arrives there will probably be no easing of her mind.

Mommy started teaching this week. This was the first week back with her kids. Monday morning mommy was worried we would make her sick all day. We did make her sick when she woke up and didn't ease up on the queasy feeling until mid morning. However, we never made mommy leave her room in a mad dash to get sick. We do make her eat all day long. Mommy had to explain to her students that she had to feed her 2 babies in her belly all the time because we are always hungry. She also made the point that if they make her happy  they make us happy, too. So now mommy's students are constantly asking her if the babies are happy. Mommy had a pretty good week. She woke up early, but she was able to stay awake and do her job throughout the day. When she got home, that was a different story. Mommy would come home and fall into her chair exhausted. Daddy has really been good to us. He cooks for us. Mommy is so thankful for daddy. We think daddy is going to be even better when we arrive.

What's new this week? Well, mommy still wants the occasional cheeseburger from McDonald's. There really hasn't been any late night cravings. Mommy has been trying to eat dinner later so she doesn't get sick early in the morning. Mommy feels that she is leaving the sick phase and entering the "I'm so hungry all the time" phase. We still make mommy sleepy, but most of all we have been causing her back pain. Apparently, we kept daddy awake most of last night because mommy kept tossing and turning due to lack of comfort while sleeping. Mommy admitted to daddy this morning that it is very difficult to find a comfortable position, and the constant night time bathroom breaks don't help either. We ate at the Olive Garden last night with daddy's aunt, grandma, and cousin (who is also having a baby soon). The never ending pasta bowl sounded like a good idea to most everyone, especially the two mommy's to be. Now, mommy's appetite hasn't been that great lately. She eats a little bit of food several times a day. Well last night mommy had a bowl of salad, 2 bread sticks, and 2 bowls of pasta! Hence, mommy wondering if she is entering the "I'm so hungry all the time" phase. As mommy sits typing this, she is wanted to eat again, and she just ate breakfast an hour ago! Also new this week, mommy and daddy trying out different gender predictors to find out if we are boys, girls, or one of each. After reading different gender predictors, mommy has signs of both genders. Then, mommy and daddy performed the wedding ring on a string test. The results showed back and forth and circular motions. So, could we be one of each? Our last picture showed us possible being identical....could something have changed? Guess we will find out Thursday....


This week we are currently the size of a gummy bear, but our home inside mommy is the size of a grapefruit! We are growing, growing, growing!!! What will our picture on Thursday reveal? Stay tuned for next week's installment and our newest picture! We leave you with mommy 10 weeks preggo with us:

Mommy is back to work

It's time for our weekly update on us and mom! We are entering week 9. Mom is hanging in there as we continue to grow. According to reports, we are beginning to look more like little humans every day. Still, mommy won't know how we look until her 10 week appointment. Last week was mommy's first week back to work. She was in meetings all week. We only made he a little sick one day after lunch. Other than that, we were complete angels. When we decided to strike, it was usually in the morning. Occasionally we would act up at night, but overall it was a morning thing. Mommy definitely through out the crackers and ginger ale trick. She was pretty sure that was making things worse. Oh well, how else could we let her know we were tired of that junk and wanted something different? Mom's new solution: sliced strawberries with Nuttella, courtesy of daddy waking up early to make it. Daddy really is a trooper. He does everything he can to help mommy out, no matter what time of day. Even if he has a bad day at work, he will still come home and make sure mommy is taken care of. Mommy hasn't made daddy do any late night McDonald's runs this past week. That's not to say we didn't get our double cheeseburgers, it just wasn't as late. Mom is outraged that they took the small fries off the dollar menu. She almost caused a scene at McDonald's over those fries. $1.29 for a few fries stuffed in a tiny paper....ridiculous. Mommy did get creative one night when she was craving her late night McDonald's. Since daddy worked late and she was already ready for bed, she just heated up some chicken nuggets and garlic bread to munch on. Mommy does miss her naps. We still don't make her nights any easier. Mommy still gets some back pain every now and then. This really was an uneventful week. Mommy didn't get angry with daddy, just the people of McDonald's for their crazy french fry price. We were not so kind to mommy last night. The night before school started.....we made mommy miserable. All throughout the day we made her queasy. We even gave her back pain so bad that she carried a pillow around with her. Her and daddy had BBQ for dinner. Yeah, we didn't let her keep much of it. We made her sick twice that night. We also caused a sleepless night resulting in mommy waking up at 3:30 for a snack. We let her catch a couple of hours of sleep before the alarm went off. When it went off, so did the urge to kneel before the potty. Mommy thought we were going to make her whole day miserable, but we were nice. By the time she got to school, all was well. Next week's issue will discuss mommy's first week back at school with her students. That should prove to be interesting.

There isn't a whole lot new this week. Well, mommy and daddy have recently taken up arguing over whether or not we will be boys or girls. Or, is there a chance we could be one of each (which is what they would really love.) The debate is on. Daddy is saying we are boys, and mommy thinks we are girls. The truth is, we already know what we are. We just won't reveal it for another 7 weeks or so. We know everyone is excited to find out. We just know mommy and daddy are so thankful that things appear to be going well. Mommy isn't experiencing any bad problems. The fact that we make her sick is a good thing. At least that is what mommy keeps telling herself each time she is leaning over the potty. They continue to pray for us every day. We are another week closer to making our debut into this world and making one mommy and daddy very happy! We will leave you with mommy and her picture of being 9 weeks pregnant with us:

Mommy is always so happy! Until next week....

Jelly Bean #1 and Jelly Bean #2

Making Our Presence Known

We're back! Jelly Bean #1 and Jelly Bean #2 back and it's week 8, heading into week 9 for mommy and us. Now this last week was mommy's last week of summer vacation before returning to work. She made sure that she rested up and did pretty much nothing. Mommy likes her afternoon naps. Apparently, we make her exhausted (rolling our newly formed eyes)! We are no bigger than a raspberry at this point, but we've been letting mommy know that we are here and we are growing! Mommy was just so proud of herself for not being "sick" those first few weeks. She actually thought she was going to have smooth sailing....WRONG! We really made mommy pay this week. Her upset stomach and queasiness really hit full force this week. She got sick some nights, but we've been hitting her first thing in the morning these past few days. (we see no reason to alter the term "morning sickness"....we shall strike in the morning and any other time we choose!) I mean, if mommy would just eat all the time, she could probably avoid the majority of this....possibly. Mommy actually thinks that a few measly crackers with some ginger ale first thing in the morning is going to keep the sickness away. Nope, we want sustenance.

Mommy is also experiencing all kinds of digestion issues, too. We won't go into much detail, but mommy celebrates successes when she can get them because they don't come often. We are still causing mommy to wake up a few times in the middle of the night to potty. We were bad last night....mommy woke up at 1:30am for a potty break and ended up needing to kneel before that same potty moments later:/
We even made her sick during church yesterday morning. Poor mommy. She was fighting hard, but it was inevitable. We have also started causing some minor lower back pain. So in a better effort to curb this and to train mommy to sleep on her side, mommy made her first official pregnancy purchase for herself (aside from a couple of dresses in a larger size): the full body BOPPY pillow.

Mommy is just testing this out. It does take some getting used to. Mommy is stubborn and still insists on trying to do some belly and back sleeping. We will soon make that impossible, however. We do think it causes mommy some distress when she needs to wake up for potty breaks at night. Getting untangled from the pillow can be quite a task. Mommy is wondering how this will work out when she's bigger and the potty breaks are more frequent!!!!

Another first this last week: mommy's first major mood swing.
The sad beneficiary: Daddy
The encounter: Mommy wanted some pizza from Little Ceasers along with the garlic butter sauce (she claims there is no other way to eat that pizza except with the sauce. This is very important to the story). Now mommy usually is able to eat all 4 pieces of the pizza; however, mommy's appetite is small, but more frequent these days. Mommy had 2 pieces and wanted to save her other 2 pieces for later when she would be hungry again. Mommy had some extra butter sauce that she was saving for her pizza. What did daddy do? THREW IT AWAY!!!! Mommy just about lost it! She was going on about how she couldn't have her pizza now because she didn't have the sauce. I mean, you would have thought daddy dropped mommy's wedding ring down the garbage disposal. That's how angry she was. Luckily for daddy, the trash can was empty except for a Cheetos bag, and the sauce just happened to be sitting on top, face up. Crisis averted. Daddy saved. Mommy ended up enjoying her other 2 slices a couple of hours later....WITH the garlic butter sauce that daddy rescued.

Now, for this week's realizations:
1. Mommy enjoys McDonald's cheeseburgers from the dollar menu before bedtime (mommy hates McDonald's on a normal basis)
2. Boppy should invent a pillow that is used to place in front of the potty since most mommy's spend so much time on their knees in front of it
3. Mommy has to upgrade her lunch box to accommodate all the food she has to bring
4. Taking a shower is going to be an event when mommy gets really big (her shower is really small)
5. It's time to up the fiber and protein intake in her diet
6. Picking out a diaper bag is just as critical as picking out the perfect handbag (mommy is a bag snob)

While we may be causing mommy some grief (and daddy, too since her has to take care of her), they both know it will be worth it come March when we arrive. Mommy and daddy pray every day for our safety and health. We can't wait to get here! Stay tuned for next week's update on how mommy survived her first week back at work. Will we be easy on her? Only time will tell. We leave you with mommy's 8 week preggo picture.....and well, ours too!

(Mommy only will take pictures on Sundays since she claims that's the only day she looks cute...hair and makeup and all that jazz)

Until next time,

Jelly Bean #1 and Jelly Bean #2

Things We Bring to Mommy's Attention

We are back for week 7 shennanigans! We have been busy this week. We let mommy have 6 weeks of leisure, now it's time to get this growing started. To do that, we must cause mommy some necessary grief, we're afraid. The two of us have come to make mommy realize a few things about growing 2 little people. We may highlight some new things each week that mommy (and maybe even daddy) are starting to realize, but this week is when things are starting to kick in for mommy. These by no means are in any particular order:

1. It is perfectly acceptable to go to Sonic at 10:45 pm for mozzarella sticks and popcorn chicken if that's what we want.
2. Daddy is really amazing! He will go to the store at 3 am to get mommy chocolate milk and donuts to feed us.
3. Daddy is really, really amazing! He takes such good care of mommy. He does the cooking and even cleans up for mommy. Whatever mommy needs, he takes care of her. We are 2 very lucky jelly beans because we know he will do the same for us when we arrive!
4. Saltines and Ginger Ale are 2 very important things to keep in stock these early weeks.
5. Sneaking saltines in church is better than running to the bathroom to throw up during worship service.
6. Speaking of the bathroom, keeping the toilet clean is of the utmost importance since mommy visits it way more often than she would like.
7. Uninterrupted sleep is a thing of the past, and it won't happen again for a LONG time.
8. We will wake mommy up every night to use the restroom, and even require food at times.
9. If we are not fed every 2-3 hours, we will make mommy sick!
10. Mommy is becoming re-acquainted with her teenage complexion-lots of make-up will be needed to hide this!
11. Sports bras should be worn every day.
12. Are we making her tummy big already, or is it the combination of her previous tummy with constant bloating? (mommy will just claim baby belly:)
13. Things with buttons and zippers are a thing of the past. Mommy will not be wearing anything requiring these two things for quite some time.
14. The most unflattering clothes are also the most comfortable.
15. Browsing the baby stores and realizing mommy will need 2 of just about everything is VERY overwhelming!
16. Baby Liam and Baby Gavin gave mommy and daddy the twin baby juju! (But at least we will have twin friends that are only a year older than us)
17. How will we treat mommy when she goes back to work next week?
18. How much food and ginger ale will fit into a mini fridge?
19. When mommy wants to know if we are still lurking, we are happy to oblige and show her just how relevant we are!
20. We are so unbelievable loved already! We can't wait to get here and meet everyone!

Granny and Aunt Nuh-Nuh came to visit this weekend to help mommy in her classroom. We were kind and let mommy have an easy day so she could get her work done. We decided to wait until Sunday to give her difficulties. We gave her an upset stomach all day. She even had to sneak a few saltine crackers during church Sunday morning to keep from getting sick. Daddy made spaghetti for dinner. It was good, but we didn't let mommy keep round 1 of it! However, we did let her eat another helping later and we left her alone. We even let her sleep most of the night, waking her only once to potty. We didn't make her feed us until daddy left for work a little before 8:00. We've been nice to her today so far, but the day is still young.

Mommy has been cheating. She has already started browsing the baby stores. She has picked out our stroller, car seats, pack n' play with bassinets, and even our bedding. She is going to be really good and wait a couple of months before purchasing anything. We can't wait to let the world know what we will turn out to be! We are going to be so stinkin' spoiled!!! Here is a picture of mommy 7 weeks preggo with us beans:

Mommy is pretty convinced that her belly is mostly previous belly combined with bloating. But hey, it looks like a baby belly, so she is milking it while she can:)

Stay tuned for week 8 shennanigans next week! Until next time,

Jelly Bean #1 and Jelly Bean #2

Surprise Mommy! We're Here!!!

Hello! We are the Browning Twins! We are new to this whole "life" thing, but we are going to share our experiences and thoughts. We will also attempt to give you some insight to what Mommy and Daddy are thinking. There may be some comments from Granny and PaPa (mommy's parents), Nana and Granddaddy (daddy's parents), aunts, uncles, and other assorted friends and family members. So sit back and enjoy. This is OUR story!

So, mommy and daddy have been married for three years and decided in June it was time to expand their family. From what I understand, mommy and daddy were worried that it may take some time for us to come about. Boy were they WRONG! We decided to go ahead and show up when they wanted this first time around. Why make them wait? Mommy and daddy prayed and prayed for a baby and God gave them us. However, they weren't expecting both of us at once! That's the funny part. We were able to hang out with mommy in New Orleans. Fun times. We were really good and didn't disturb mommy too much. We gave a few minor hints that we may be lurking about, such as bloating and a smidge of heartburn. Mommy simply thought it was just the Cajun food she'd been eating. When she got back home, we hit her with symptom #2: the sleepies! All mommy wanted to do was sleep and sleep and sleep. Her and daddy were getting ready to go on another vacation when mommy started to suspect we may be lurking. We thought it was a good idea to give them an anniversary present. So, on July 17, 2013 we let mommy and daddy know we were here (well, at least one of us).

We do believe mommy and daddy were shocked that we decided to come the first try around. Mommy didn't believe at first. She actually took 5 tests before going to the doctor. The doctor's visit proved to be uneventful for mommy and daddy. We were still too small to be seen, but we were there. Mommy had some blood tests done, and the doctor let her know things looked great and she could come back in 2 weeks. My goodness! Those two weeks mommy was such a crazy person. She was so concerned about us growing, wondering if we were even there. Mommy is really weird about wanting to know everything right here and right now. Patience isn't one of mommy's strongest traits. I wonder if that will rub off on one of us??? But on the upside, mommy is super organized and such a planner. We know she will be prepared when we finally arrive!

We were pretty nice to mommy for these 2 weeks. We gave her some slight tummy cramps and some queasiness, but nothing too major. We can't help making her sleepy. I mean, we're growing two in here! We hear mommy joke about how the first 6 weeks we are daddy's precious babies because we've been so kind to her. She was beginning to think she was going to have it easy, wondering still if we were really even here. That brings us to yesterday, August 5, 2013. Mommy and daddy go back to the doctor. We decided to ease mommy's mind and let her know we were here and doing great. We wanted to make mommy and daddy happy, so we let them hear our little heartbeats. We could feel mommy relax quite a bit after hearing jelly bean #1's beating heart. (oh by the way, until we decide to reveal what we will become, we are jelly bean #1 and jelly bean #2...according to mommy and daddy) Now, at this time the doctor was looking around making sure everything was all good when mommy makes a joke about her checking to make sure there is only one us lurking. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA SURPRISE MOMMY! THERE'S 2 OF US!!!!! Here is what they found:

Daddy couldn't believe it. Mommy thought he was going to faint. He kept saying: "No way! No way! Twins? Twins? We're having twins? Are you sure? Oh my goodness, I'm having twins!" The receptionists at the doctor's office said it looked like daddy was going to have morning sickness. Mommy was shocked and couldn't believe that she was going to have to tell Granny that she was right all along. (You see, Granny has been telling mommy for a long time now that she was going to have twins.) Of course, mommy didn't believe her. Even though they do run in the family, mommy thought there was no way those kind of odds would favor her. After all, mommy was surprised to be pregnant at all, much less with two of us! The doctor said we had 2 good heart beats and we looked great. We want to make mommy and daddy happy, so we are going to do our best to grow and grow for them. Of course, that means we will be giving mommy some additional complications. We made mommy sick for the first time that night. Poor mommy! We didn't let her keep her pancakes, bacon and eggs. We also kept her awake all night. Apparently, we make her have to visit the bathroom a lot. We also have now made her want to eat all the time. At first, we didn't make her hungry. Now, we are growing double here and need energy. If mommy don't feed us every 2-3 hours, we let her know! Mommy says now we are beginning to act like "her" children because we are being little toots and making her sick. We are simply letting her know we are still here and growing!

Other family reactions to the news: Granny thought mommy was joking. However, when she found out that mommy was serious she started laughing and saying "I told you so!" PaPa started laughing too when he found out. He just thought it was funny because Granny was very insistent on it being two of us. Our great PaPa was happy to hear the news too. He couldn't believe there was two of us either. He, too, found it a bit funny. Aunt NuhNuh (mommy's sister, Amanda) was very excited. Aunt Lizzy (mommy's sister, Elizabeth) screamed at work and was asked what she broke! Nana screamed a little when she found out and immediately started telling other family. Granddaddy was excited, too. They are really happy because we will be living so close. Uncle Chris (daddy's brother) was in shock, but happy. Uncle Chris' wife, Aunt Michelle, claims she spit coffee out of her mouth upon hearing the news. We like to go for the shock value! We are related to mommy....hehe! Aunt Kelly (daddy's sister) was also excited. We love that everyone is so excited about us! Here is our mommy at 6 weeks preggo with us little jelly beans:

We plan on giving weekly updates on what we've been up to and what we think mommy and daddy are thinking. We think we know them pretty well....So stay tuned for more shennanigans from us jelly beans! It's going to be a fun ride:)

Until next time,

Jelly Bean #1 and Jelly Bean #2